WHAT DID COLE PORTER EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS?

By DIANE BARONI
Executive Editor, Moviecrazed

A dun-colored, dying Cole Porter (Kevin Kline) is slouched over a piano in a gloomy New York City apartment, disconsolately picking out tunes. Enter the mysterious Gabe (Jonathan Pryce), who carts Porter off to an eerily empty Broadway theater where a rehearsal of a show based on the composer’s life is in progress. There are scenes from his unconventional marriage to rich socialite Linda Lee Thomas (Ashley Judd), including a deathbed extravaganza complete with Natalie Cole singing "Ev’ry Time We Say Goodbye," as well as other defining moments, such as the fall from a horse that left Porter crippled. His homosexuality is barely touched on, and when it is, it doesn’t seem like he’s having much fun. Even at a gay Hollywood costume party crammed with half-naked hotties, he looks as if he’d rather be home alone with his piano and a big Scotch.

From all accounts, Cole Porter did have fun. He was also sly and witty and the essence of style, and " De-Lovely," the rambling, cliché-riddled collaboration of screenwriter Jay Cocks and director Irwin Winkler, is none of these things. The usually blithe, exuberant Kline seems at a loss here. Occasionally there’s a flash of the intelligent, nuanced performance he might have given as Porter, but mostly, he’s just wandering through.

Judd is worse. Swanning around in Armani, her eyes lustrous with empathy, her smile bright and fixed, she does almost nothing during the entire film but smoke. It doesn’t help that Kline and Judd have an acute lack of chemistry. And it should also be mentioned that the layers of makeup and prosthetics used on both actors, but especially Kline, to show aging are so over the top it’s Halloween time.

Worse than anything, though, is the music. Or rather, what director Winkler apparently decided was the trendiest way to present it. Such glorious Porter classics as "What Is This Thing Called Love?," "Night and Day," "Begin the Beguine" and "Love for Sale" are performed by pop stars like Sheryl Crowe, Elvis Costello and Alanis Morissette. The results are not happy. Kline, who does know how to interpret a song, sings too, but in trying to sound like Porter, he simply comes across as depleted. It’s not until the end of the film, when you hear the real Cole Porter—sexy, elegant, full of mischief, doing "You’re the Top"-- that you start smiling.