AMC SURE KNOWS HOW TO RIP OFF A MOVIE

"High Noon," "Sunset Boulevard," "Chinatown," "How Green Was My Valley," "The French Connection"--five classic films you can watch in the comfort of your living room this week, according to TV Guide. But I would rather endure the moronic ads and ear-shattering trailers at my local Loew's multiplex than witness the cheesy commercials and inane commentary with which AMC now routinely assaults the masterworks of Zinnemann, Wilder, Polanski, Ford and Friedkin. Last week, the glories of a particular laxative were sung just before Mia Farrow gave birth in "Rosemary's Baby."

Shame on the once-prestigious AMC! And I would say the same about Bravo, except for the fact that the desperate channel seems to be losing its lust for beefing up movies with commercial pitches. These days, the Bravo biggies seem more interested in pushing "Paid Programming" (whatever that is) and James Lipton, a pompous self-promoter who presides over "Inside the Actors Studio," an exhibitionistic exercise in which such emotional and intellectual giants as Kevin Costner and Mike Myers compete with Lipton for the eye of the camera.

Thank God for TCM--especially since Uncle Ted gave up on his dream of coloring "Casablanca" and other black-and-white classics.