JUST MARRIED

"It's difficult to imagine a more thoroughly unpleasant experience than sitting through 'Just Married,' an abrasive, unsavory assault on the senses starring Brittany Murphy and Ashton Kutcher...Bloody noses, head-butts, a teensy weensy rental car, a near-electrocution while plugging in a sexual aid, a flatulent innkeeper, a huge cockroach, a half-dressed chase through a Venice hotel, a rectal search at an Italian airport -- each gets the same goofy giggle from Murphy and mock-infuriated head shake from Kutcher." --Ann Hornaday, The Washington Post

"The director, Shawn Levy, and the screenwriter, Sam Harper, hardly overtax themselves, contriving to make these young lovers bump into as many walls and doors as possible to wring laughs from a feeble premise. In a fit of inventiveness, they have also found humor in the flatulence of the elderly, the smallness of European cars, and characters whose names happens to be slang terms for genitalia." --A.O. Scott, The New York Times

"Does Ashton Kutcher really want to look as if he's wearing enough cosmetics to rival Prince? ...this young actor, who carries himself with a blitzed air of proprietary glee, as if he were the class clown on spring break, knows that he's the movie's true love object. He plays to the teen female peanut gallery by becoming adorably unglued in one cute predicament after the next." --Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

"'Just Married' is of interest only as a product of such generic blandness as to be absolutely airtight: not a whiff of originality or real life has been allowed to spoil its plastic perfection...the movie is so mechanical it's like watching Barbie and Ken dolls going through the motions...unrelenting in its tediousness, and its ending is totally predictable." --Kevin Thomas, The Los Angeles Times

"January is when Hollywood traditionally buries mistakes that might have been more mercifully sent straight to video--though this one is barely worth a rental on 2-for-1 night, much less a splurge of $10 for a multiplex ticket." --Lou Lumenick, The New York Post